The weightloss journey begins

So I have begun the process to see if I can hopefully get the weight loss surgery. I come from a family that has struggled with obesity and a few of those relatives died sooner than they should have because the weight issues contributed to health issues. I have struggled since my early 20's with this issue reaching a weight has high as 343lbs at one point. I get off the soda, I will exercise, I will count the calories, do this and do that. I will see pounds drop and then I hit a stand still and I will wait and wait and wait for a change and then boom the weight goes up instead of down. With the weight gain comes the depression, the discouragement. My life like all of us is filled with stress. For me I turn to the soda as a stress reducer as it is the lesser of 2 evils when compared to alcohol. I think part of my struggle is my support system. Yes I have one however it is weak. It's not as strong as it should be. I guess I should count myself lucky though some people have no one. I have a younger sister who is such a health fanatic and she does all of this stuff and she tries to preach to me about this healthy style and that one and so forth and what she doesn't understand is I am not her and that my brain doesn't work like that and that I actually end up feeling more over whelmed and discouraged. Which makes it hard for me to talk to her. She doesn't mean for that happen. She is so pretty and skinny too, and she has an amazing family, a great and terrific husband and 2 of the cutest most precious boys. She's super smart too. She just does all this amazing stuff. Even though I am older she is older mental and maturely. I wish I could have even a 16th of her will power, her strength and her smarts. I don't and I never will we are 2 different individuals with 2 different paths in life. I have my mom, my mom is my mom and nothing can change that. We have never been close and we very rarely see eye to eye. She causes me stress but I am all she has. It's hard for me to talk to her. I feel she doesn't understand me and judges me. She does offer advice, she does try to be helpful but sometimes in her execution of the advice it comes across as heartless or just isn't supportive. She's of course not really this way that's just how we have always communicated. I do have a step mom, her and I have a closer relationship it's just that she lives farther away from me and with her husband retired they are living their lives and dreams and doing things they had to put on hold because of raising their family which was a stressful time for them. I love her and I talk to her when I can but I try really hard to give her her time, her space let her and her husband enjoy retirement and not be boggled down. Then there is my boyfriend. We have been together almost a year and we are still only dating, which I guess isn't a bad thing but when you know the reasoning behind us not being at the next step it's frustrating. He like many of us got married and it ended badly leaving him so scarred and hurt he just won't let it go and move on, realize I'm not her. He had to move back home so he could work on getting back on his feet and he tends to use his parents as an excuse. We could take the next step I am ready for the next step but he's stuck. When he's around our time is amazing, when he lets himself he is an amazing lover, he's kind and gentle. He does care I know he does his fear of the past just stops him in his tracks for the future. If I get this suregery I will need him more than ever and I don't know if he can do that for me. I will continue to be patient with him for I do love him and I care about him greatly. Then I have my bestest friend in the whole wide world! She has been great! We have been friends almost 16years! And let me tell you the things we have been thru together and survived and done I don't think a lot of marriages could handle. We have been thru thick and thin. She's the best, the thing that sucks she lives like 3hours from me and when you don't have a dependable vehicle that can travel it makes it hard to see each other. She just had weightloss surgery back in Jan. and she knows and understands better than anyone what journey I am about take. I only wish she could be here physically. I need to loose the weight I watched what it did to my grandma and I don't want to go thru that. I also hate not having anything to wear. I am tired of just settling. I fear that I won't be approved though or if I am approved it will fail. One look at my house and you would understand. My kids, well that is a blog in itself but lets just say that even though they complain about me being fat and are sick of me looking the way I do they certainly don't do anything to help the situation. All I can do at this point is the paperwork, the online videos, and the appointment and then wait. Just wait. It's all a waiting game at this point. I plan on blogging more about this issue the ups and the downs.